Deleri Praeterita
by Izuka
Summary: I did not question. I just accepted it, like I blankly accepted the rough brutal treatment of the guards if they considered your work for the day inadequate, the gasps and pleas for mercy from dying mouths. I just accepted it. After all, this was life.


Even then I did not remember anything of my past life. The lost memories sometimes came to me in fragments but I could not distinguish between dreams and reality.

The first thing I do remember is that my home was the slave compound. I did not know why I was there, I did not question. I just accepted it, like I blankly accepted the rough brutal treatment of the guards if they considered your work for the day inadequate, the gasps and pleas for mercy from dying mouths and also the caresses and pattings from other prisoners. Even they lingered for more than necessary, even when I felt a strange unclean feeling afterwards, I accepted it. To me it was just the way life was.

During the night, a guard would come with a basket of stale loaves and cast it over the fences.

We would all then have to fight to get them as they were few in number. Most of us died of starvation rather than the beatings. Some would even kill others to get the meager food. I too sometimes stole it from others when I could.

Once for three nights, I was unable to eat. I remember the trembling of my hands while lifting the spade get even worse. Mining by evening and killing enemies by morning. These were the only two past times we had. There were strange lights in front of me and I do not know how but I was suddenly sitting down, trying to ignore my aching stomach.

Unfortunately, one of the guards saw me. Such signs of weakness were unacceptable as was showing mercy to enemies or having nightmares about it. I was dragged by my hair to the other side. No one tried to help me. To even consider it was ridiculous. This was life.

I lay curled up as they kicked and berated me. It was only when I heard a digging sound that I opened my tightly shut eyes. One was smiling at me coldly while the others had taken up shovels to dig. I stared incomprehensibly as the hole in the ground got bigger and bigger, making no movement to wipe away the blood that trickled down my cheek.

When they were done, they dragged me there. For the first time in my life, I was scared. It wasn't a good feeling and made my trembling worse. Something clogged up my throat. They laughed when I struggled weakly letting out a choked cry and pushed me forward. I landed on my back inhaling grains of soil. I was trapped as they covered up the hole with me inside, singing and muttering about 'filthy battle slaves'.

Soon, there was only darkness. I could not open my eyes with the fear that the sand would damage my eyes and make me blind. The silence was too loud. I felt a scream coming up in my throat. I suppressed it. Something slithered past my legs. Then they were everywhere. My hands, my ears, my hair, my lips…

Struggling to breathe, I forced my hand upward, tussling with the darkness.

Then my hand felt the cool air. Something struck my hand and the exploding pain overwhelmed me. I could not even clutch it or blow on it to ease the pain. I surrendered to the darkness.

Looking back, I do not know how I survived. But then I did. The soil was wet. It was raining. The drops of water hurt my damaged hand but somehow I brought myself out, covered in mud, feeling number than ever. My mind was blank. I made my way to where the guards were reclining and poking the prisoners out of boredom. They saw me. Even now, their stupefied scared expressions fill me with undeniable pleasure. They feared me. Still with that numbness inside, doing what I was doing because I had to without knowing why, I activated my zaiphon. The eye of Mikael must have woken then. I don't remember anything. What I do remember is that, as a greyish white light filled my vision, I at last let out the scream inside me. It sounded hoarse and broken and did little to ease the sudden pressure on my chest. When I awoke, I was splattered with blood and dead bodies surrounded me.

Blood…it was everywhere. The red colour filled my soul as my eyes fed on it hungrily.

I fell to my knees beside the closest guard and covered my face with his blood, then slowly and deliberately licked my mutated hand.

Suddenly, I could not get enough of the metallic taste and no matter how much I had, my thirst remained unquenched.

I thought I would be punished. Instead, a man who looked at me strangely, ordered the soldiers to take me to the house.

"B-but chairman Miroku!"

"Don't make me repeat my order."

"Y-yes sir!"

They took me to a place which even I could appreciate in my state. It was big, spacious, clean and colourful. None of that drab greyness everywhere.

Two women came in. They bathed me, combed my hair and dressed me up in the army tunic they claimed was for students.

Later when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was surprised. I had never seen myself in a mirror before and the reflection in the dirty drinking water had always been distorted and difficult to make out.

I had brown hair, dead green eyes and a perfectly sculpted face. I could not help reaching out.

And thus my life changed suddenly. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone of my slave life. That became a second past life to be forgotten. My number 2741 was taken away and I was given a name- Teito Klein. It didn't feel right. Being stripped of the only identity you knew and being given a new one. That is why, I am always reluctant when it comes to giving my name.

Here, life was different. I was treated with respect and understanding by some teachers. The other students tended to avoid me because I was a Thrall. That suited me just fine. And when they did attack me, it was with words, not weapons. That didn't hurt as badly but made me feel strange and empty inside. But I was used to it. So it didn't matter.

I no longer had to fight for food. In any case, I had supplement pills instead and I preferred them. Here you read books, memorised facts, trained to fight better instead of waking up every morning and wondering how many people you would further kill.

But two weeks later, there was a boy called Mikage with yellow hair and purple eyes. He followed me everywhere, teasing me light-heartedly. His smile made me feel warm inside and his friendly words soothed me. But I saw that as a sign of weakness. I did not want to be dependent and not in control of my feelings. I have found it easy to hate. But no matter how much he pestered me, bothered me, annoyed me, I could not hate him. I ignored him instead.

Till he attacked some person badmouthing me as usual and landed us both in detention. Somehow, sharing that moment together, created a bond between us that could never be broken. We became friends. I was a bit grudging, I admit, but he was too loud and cheerful to notice.

I did not realise how much I cared for him. Even when that aching feeling always came back when he wasn't around.

Till one day, I heard the same person Mikage attacked insulting Mikage. He said terrible things about him.

Suddenly I was furious. I had never been so angry before. I have _never_ been angry before. I punched him with all my might in the face. Again that look of fear that made me feel satisfied. He pushed me away. I was going to hit him again when an arm surrounded me and a hand patted me on the head, messing up my hair.

"There you are! I was looking everywhere for you! Excuse us!"

He dragged me away, never reproaching me, only once winking at me.

I still remember that night though I pretend otherwise. Mikage never brings it up.

I was as usual awake, staring into the darkness. Suddenly that slithering feeling came back. I could not move. Panicked, I gasped and struggled to sit up.

My head hurt. It hurt badly. I climbed down noiselessly and went to the washroom and stared at my reflection transfixed, before sliding down against the wall on to the floor. My throat hurt. My head hurt. To ease it, I hit my head against the wall lightly once. Then again and again, harder and harder, my eyes wide open, still settled on the mirror.

In it, I saw Mikage come in and look at me shocked and dismayed.

"Teito? Are you alright?" he came closer.

My mind was blank. I activated my zaiphon. He read it and knew I would kill him if he touched me.

Instead, he sat down beside me with a calm expression.

I went on hurting myself. Soon I felt sleepy and stopped.

"I feel sleepy." My throat felt raw. This time, I did not resist as Mikage held me close. My eyes burned so I closed them.

Murmuring 'my head hurts', I heard him reply in a quiet voice 'I know'. I fell asleep against him, feeling safe in his embrace.

Next day, we had a lesson about religion. One of the teachers was new and he took us to a church to show us how people worshipped God who protected them.

I found the idea ridiculous. That God existed, there was no proof. And didn't it bother people to be constantly at the whims of some one? Didn't it bother them to be eternally grateful, eternally dependent? As for being a saviour, I think I am too far gone to need one.

I looked at the time and turned to go to the benches and sit down. But something stopped me. Mikage, with a forced solemn expression, was praying. I stared at him before I felt a smile lift my mouth.

If there really was a God, a saviour, mine was the idiot beside me- Mikage.

**Sorry for any grammatical errors. Wrote thins in a hurry. Tell me what you think! ;-)**


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